The Armor of God-The Best Conceit Ever!

The Armor of God has become such a cliche over time that it has lost its meaning. Sadly, much of the wonderful Truths of God such as: Jesus died for our sins to give us life everlasting and God love you, too have lost their meaning over time. But that is another story though for another time.

The point of which I am so excited about is how great the extended metaphor of The Armor of God is! There are tons of other conceits in the Bible, such as the parable of the soils in which the seed is the Word of God and the soil is our heart and so on. But for right now I am going to let the Armor of God have its moment. Did Paul come up with this one? Because there isn't a literary giant who isn't kicking himself in the head for not coming up with this one. Yes even Shakespeare and Milton don't cut it next to Paul. He is awesome! I love this one!

How in the world do we go through out our days with out the Armor of God on?! I know that I don't really give it much serious thought other than to think: What a nice idea. But is is so much more than that! Here's what happens on a normal day with out the armor of God:

Our most vulnerable part is our heart (after all, it is deceitful above all else) and so without our breastplate of righteousness, our heart becomes an easy target. I think that at first we really don't realize it because we can not see our heart, nor do we really understands the deepness of emotions and desires that dwell there. As a result of our heart change, we are walking a little different with out our shoes of readiness and the Gospel of Peace. We walk sloppily with out much care. This wouldn't have happened, of course, had we used our shield of faith as our defensive weapon and our sword of the spirit which is the Word of God as our offensive weapon. As our hearts begin to feel lonely and sad, they become hardened and we begin to believe lies about ourselves and others since we are not wearing the helmet of salvation to guard our mind. This eventually will ruin our relationships with God and others because we no longer think with the mind of Christ, but with a selfish and evil mind.

Do you feel encouraged yet? You should because we do have the armor of God available to us every day to put on! I am loving this new perspective on the Armor of God that God has given me and I hope that you are blessed too as you read this with new eyes.

Ephesians 6:10-18 The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

On My Mind

Yesterday I got really down on myself for not doing the things that I love more. What I really hate is that I have discounted the things that I truly love and enjoy as unimportant and a waste of time. What a tragedy. That is why I am revamping my blog and committing to just write more.

Here are some things that I have been thinking about a lot lately:

1. Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity. It is so crazy to see how many women struggle with insecurity. That is worse than a tragedy. It is a huge catastrophe that we women are living with everyday. It is the cancer of our society that is stealing our joy. It is the devil, plain as night. Lord, help us.

2. Studying for my TExES teacher certification test for High School Language Arts. This is actually a pleasant experience because I really believe that communication and literature are vital to enriching life for students.

3. What is will be like to be a parent and furthermore, what would it be like to adopt a kid. I really do want a big family, God permitting.

4. Painting a canvas for the bathroom. Right now I just put a wash of color (blue, yellow, green and white) on it which looks like water a la Monet. I really wanted to put an orchid on it, but now I am afraid to cover it up. TBC...

5. How much I really hate going to the gym and working out. The gym is so depressing to me. I love how I feel afterwards and I love having muscle definition, but I really hate the process of it. I like to go for walks/jogs, clean, dance and sit on the stationary bike with a good book and forget about everything else.

6. The scary dream I had last night after watching The Unborn with Ashton. Not only was it a waste of time, I had a nightmare that my mom's house was possessed. It was like we were under attack and there was nothing we could do.

7. How much I love Colossians 3:1-17.

Until next time...

hopefully tomorrow.

In the Spirit

"Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints" (Jude 1:3).

I haven't written in my blog for a while, but I was really moved by the quiet time that I spent with the Lord today and I felt that I should post it because I think that we would all me much happier and healthier if we lived according to the Spirit more.

Bible Verses:

"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Rom. 13:14).

"For if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's" (Rom. 14:8).

"For the Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Rom. 14:17).

"So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another" (Rom. 14:19).

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Rom. 15:13).

"...by the love of the Spirit" (Rom. 15:30).

Examination:

Paul is reminding the Romans of the basic points of the Gospel and living according to the Christian way. There are 2 levels on which he speaks: material and spiritual (Rom. 15:27). Materially, if we live or die, we are the Lord's. But spiritually, we are to pursue the Spirit, which is Life. When we pursue these things of the Spirit, meaning that they do not belong to us but only to the Spirit, we are sowing in the Spirit to reap life. We are to die to the flesh by making for it no provisions. Rather we should pursue righteousness, peace, joy, love, building each other up, hope, power of the Spirit.

Applications for Spiritual Growth:

What provisions do I make for the flesh?

I like to sleep too much, I am too emotional, judging, impatient, bitter and spiritually lazy.

How should I treat my body, life and others as though they are the Lord's?

I am way too focused on the material and not the spiritual (i.e. clothes, how I look, what others think about me, how I feel, what I want, etc.)

How do I pursue the Spirit? How can I do this more?

I'm going to let God show me this one, because as Addison Road's song says: What do I know of Holy?

Please pray this prayer for you and for me:

Lord, you are Life and your Spirit, who lives in me is power, peace and love. Help me to feed the Spirit and to die to my flesh everyday. In the name of Jesus, bind my heart and mind and all that I am to serve the Spirit in righteousness and truth. I thank you that you have given me everything I need. The only thing left for me is to choose. Give me the strength to follow the narrow path of your will, the endurance to stay in the Spirit and the discipline to die to my flesh. Amen.

The Exterminator

I'm not sure if this is Biblical, but I don't see any reason why I can't make this comparison. It helps me and maybe it will help you too.

This is on the topic of repentance and forgiveness--everyone's favorite! Yeah right.

"For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me." (Psalm 51:3)

As I read this verse, something stuck out to me. I know in my life I try to ignore my stubborn sins that won't go away and I fear asking God to show me my ugly sin so that he can forgive it. Sure, God knows our hearts and knows what we think, say and do, but we still have to reveal it to Him. We have to acknowledge that our "transgression and sin are ever before us."

We go throughout life trying "play ignorant." (Please don't get offended, just stay with me.)

• Elaine does it on Seinfeld when she tries to avoid a conversation in a cab by pretending to be deaf.
• Some girls have been guilty of "playing dumb" to appear innocent and attract boys.
• Some ESL students who can speak perfect English try to trick the substitute that they can't so they don't have to participate in class. (I know this one from experience!)
• I sometimes find myself not wanting to take the time to examine my heart before God so that he can reveal and forgive my sin because its ugly and I don't want to go there. Can't God just forgive all of my sins when I say "Forgive me of my sins."?

The answer is yes, but according to the Psalmist, he acknowledges his transgression and sin before God when he is asking for forgiveness.

Consider this: When you have bugs in your home, you call an exterminator. You must first call him, however. He just doesn't come over. Sure he knows that there are pests living in people's houses out in the world, but he waits until he is called before he just goes around door to door killing them all at will. When he gets to your home, he may ask where the bug problem is. You have to tell him or show him so that the poison will effectively kill the heart of the problem. Then after you have acknowledged where the bugs are hiding out, you give him permission to get rid of them. A price is paid and you are free from bugs.

What if I said that the "exterminator" is a metaphor for Jesus and that God just happens to be in the "extermination" business.

When you call (pray to) the "exterminating" business, the owner (God) sends his exterminator (Jesus) to get rid of the bugs (sin) in your life. When he gets there, you then explain your "bug" problem: that you have bugs (sin), you name (confess) them and reveal where they are hiding in your home (heart). The exterminator (Jesus) then removes the unwanted pests (sin) in your life because he knows what he is looking for and where to find it. Now the best part! Instead of paying for this "extermination" service out of your own pocket, the exterminator (Jesus) picks up the bill (price for forgiving sins) because the owner (God) of the "extermination" business said to him that this one is on the house. No cost. What's even better is that the "exterminating" business has a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Plus, the exterminator (Jesus) left you with some daily treatments (the Word) to ensure that the bugs (sin) does not come back. If the bugs (sin) comes back, the owner (God) will send the exterminator (Jesus) out again to rid you of your pest problem (forgive you of your sins) again. For free.

I hope this gets you thinking about the importance of confession, repentance and forgiveness. Be blessed!

Becoming Beautiful

This is a shot from my very first test shoot when I became a professional model in 2006. When I look at this it makes me sad because I believed that I should look like the world said that I should in order to be of any value. I had an eating disorder--I know that now. I still struggle with having an eating disorder especially now that I have gained 20 or 25 lbs. I don't weigh myself so I don't know for sure. I wanted to post this to remind myself and others how small and sickly I got.

I also want to add that an eating disorder is any form of an unhealthy relationship with food no matter what it is or how you look. I look completely normal now, but the truth is I am not free from the eating disorder mindset yet. Now that God has opened my eyes to this world, I see that most women have some degree or another of an eating disorder. What makes me mad about this is that eating disorders are not taken seriously enough. Most of the time they are misunderstood. They are either applauded as a means to do what ever necessary to be skinny or shunned as if you have leprosy. If someone says they have an eating disorder, why don't we take it as seriously as we do when someone says they have cancer? All that this does is to further push those with tendencies to develop an eating disorder further into its grasps. I used to think that because I wasn't skinny enough, I didn't have an eating disorder. Believing this lie almost ruined my life. With the help of God, counseling and a supportive family, I am beginning to claim back my life.

It's crazy to me that during the time that I modeled and afterwards as my eating disorder persisted, the skinnier I got, the fatter I felt. I'm proud to show off my body now because I have worked harder now to become healthy physically, spiritually and mentally than I ever did in my pursuit to be a small as possible. I am learning to love my body as God made it.

I also wanted to post this pic of me and my beautiful sister at Christmas 2009, because this is how God intended my body to be--curvy with hips! I remember when I saw this picture I thought, I look like a woman! I am becoming beautiful because I am becoming the woman that God created me to be!

Why am I writing about this? Am I bragging or asking for attention? I will let the following Scripture answer these questions:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Back to School

So I got the new Victoria's Secret Catalog yesterday and I love looking through it at all of the new fall fashions. I LOVE BOOTIES AND BOOTS! I think that the reason I love fall fashion is because it makes me think of back to school. The only other thing I need now is a great Office Depot or Walmart Back to School catalog and I will be all set. Thanks Mom, for making school fun! Even one better, I might be getting a new computer today! YEA! My Apple-loving husband has recommended that I get an Apple. Now I feel so cool! Sorry PC, but you're out of here!

Larry Richards--My Daddy

My dad died just over a year ago.

It happened suddenly and I still struggle with understanding it all. Just last night I was thinking about him--like I often do. I don't know how to tell my future children what happened to Grandpa. --"My dad was killed in an accident with a gun. It went off while it was in his hand in front of his dad, my grandpa."-- I read that to myself and I want to pretend that it is someone else that I am reading about, but it's not. I don't think about that part of it much because its so awful, but I still don't know how to make since of it all. I know that it was God's will because he was saved. But I still miss him a lot and I wonder what he thought of when he realized that he had been shot and was going to die. I wonder if he thought of us girls. I’m pretty sure he did. What did he think about us though? Did he think about my wedding? He never got to see the ring that Ashton gave me on my hand. Lord, I acknowledge that you saved him and that you had your hand on him the whole time, but it still hurts and I still miss him. Maybe as the craziness of last year has faded it is now becoming more real to me that my dad is gone. My children will never know him. I never got to have that one last dance with him at my wedding. I don’t get to talk to him about Jesus and watch him grow in faith. He would have had so much fun at the wedding and the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner. He never got to see me in my wedding dress. I know that he would be so proud of me and I know that he is because he is in heaven looking down on me. But I never got to see the look of his face when he saw me being so happy with Ashton. He never got to hang out with Reed (my father in law) and talk about lawn work or cooking out. Haley’s future husband is not going to be able to ask him for her hand in marriage.
It is not fair. This sucks so much.
I keep on wanting to write down all of the details that surrounded his death but I am afraid. I want to run away. I don’t want to do anything because my dad suddenly died and I never got to say good-bye.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Ashton took my dad out to breakfast. He had a ring picked out for 6 weeks because he knew that he wanted to marry me. I had no idea. Someone had almost ruined it because they told me congratulations while we were out at brunch. They knew, but Ashton hadn’t asked me yet. Earlier that week, Ashton had set up a date for us on Saturday. Little did I know that he was going to ask me to be his wife. Anyway, Ashton had my ring with him and showed it to my dad as he asked him for my hand in marriage. Ashton said that my dad was overcome with emotions. He was so honored that Ashton had asked him. He said that he even teared up. Oh, how I wish I could have seen my dad’s face. I wish that I could hear him tell me how it happened. I always loved his stories. He had three daughters, but didn’t get to go to three weddings. Even if he didn’t get to see the wedding, he saw the ring and gave Ashton permission to marry me. He thought that it was very respectful of Ashton. He couldn’t be more proud.

Later that day, my dad talked to me. He didn’t mention a word of his meeting with Ashton on the phone. We just talked about life like we always do. He had recently accepted Jesus as his Savior that Easter and so he had a lot of questions. I was comforted that he was asking questions because he wanted to learn more about God’s plan for him. Praise God! He had been reading Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. I would always ask him how far he had gotten. He would shrug it off and say that he flipped thorough it every once in a while.

“Daddy, its not that kind of book,” I said. “You are supposed to read one chapter per day so that you will understand God’s plan for your life.”

To this he remarked, “I already know what my purpose in life was. It was to raise three beautiful daughters.”

“No, that’s not it, Daddy,” I said. “You’re still alive. God isn’t done with you yet.”

The next day was Saturday--the day Ashton would ask me to be his wife with my dad’s blessing. When Ashton asked me I called my mom first, but then I called my dad. He was so happy for me. I loved hearing the love for us in his voice as he told me how glad he was. I was ecstatic! That was the last time I would talk to him.

Ashton and I went out of town to California for a Triathlon. I kept on thinking that I should call my dad and tell him how much fun we were having, but I never did. On May 6, 2008, Ashton and I were driving to the airport to fly back to Arlington. I was so excited that I was going to get to start planning my wedding! My mom called as we were driving. She was very upset and crying and said that my dad had been shot in an accident. I was shocked and confused. She said to just pray and then hung up. I told Ashton and immediately. I grabbed his hand and started praying. Tears were pouring down my face because I had heard the urgency and seriousness in my mom’s voice. I rarely heard her sound like that unless she was really scared. Afterwards, Ashton and I talked and I began to feel a little better, but I was so scared. I couldn’t stop my mind from going over possible situations. It must be a misunderstanding, but I still couldn’t get the sound of my mom’s panicked voice out of my head. As we were pulling in to gas up the rent-a-car before we returned it my sister Haley called.

She was crying and said, “Daddy’s dead. He’s dead.”

I lost it. I had never felt anything like it. I kept saying no, no, no as if I could stop it.

“He’s not going to walk you down the isle at your wedding,” she said.

“I know,” I said crying harder. Every muscle in my body was tense. I was kicking my legs and flailing around as I sobbed violently. I curled up in a little ball as best as I could because my heart hurt so badly. I couldn’t believe what had just happened to me. Ashton asked me if my dad was ok.

“He’s dead,” I said but I couldn’t believe what I had just spoken. My dad was dead. Just like that. Gone.

The next few hours were surreal. I went into the gas station bathroom and cried and screamed. We got back into the car and returned it. We went through airport security. Would these people know that my dad just died? I felt weak. It all was like a dream, yet I was awake. I sat and cried in the airport terminal. I immediately started writing what I would say at the funeral. I was so upset, but I couldn’t help but smile knowing that my dad was in heaven. He had been saved for 2 weeks when he died.

The wedding was in 3 months and the funeral was in 3 days. Funeral arrangements needed to be made. I couldn’t be upset and morn because we had to make decisions quickly. My mom helped so much, but I pretty much just shut down. Funeral. The get-together afterwards. I struggled to make sense of what had just happened. I kept on thinking that I needed to call my dad and say hi. Oh. He’s dead, I would remind myself. Over and over this happened. I would get excited about family functions coming up because I would get to see my dad. Other times, I would think that I saw him walking around. My heart would leap and then it would sink. He was dead.

My dreams weren’t much different. I would see him, but then he would disappear as if someone was playing a trick on me. I would see him and then I would remember that he was dead. When I looked again, he was gone. I wanted God to let me talk to him again in my dreams.

One night I got to.

He appeared like an angel and I knew that he was. He looked so young and healthy. I touched him and he was warm. I got to hug him.

“Daddy, how did you like your funeral?”

“It was really good, ya’ll did a good job.”

“Daddy, what is heaven like? Is there beautiful music everywhere you go?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. You know they were right about that no-pain thing.”

“And Daddy, I got my wedding dress. I want you to see me walk down the isle. I’m walking by myself, Daddy.”

“I will be there,” he said.

I had other dreams like these, but this one was a gift from God. My dad was going to be there at my wedding after all. He had told me himself.

IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER WHO IS NOT SAVED, IT IS NOT TOO LATE! My dad was only saved for 2 weeks. Then he died. He had never had faith in Jesus and I KNOW that God was in control and saved my dad. Who would have known? And if that's not enough reason to believe that there is a God in Heaven who loves us and sent His Only Son to die for us then I don't know what is.

Free to Be Me?

So I wish that I was one of those clever writers who wrote effortlessly in their blogs, profound truths and revelation. Oh well, for the time being it is going to have to be my insecurities and off the wall thoughts.

Its Saturday and I am claiming this day to enjoy to be me. So what if I don't look like someone else, act like someone else or write like someone else?! I am trying to love me as God made me. Last night I had a major meltdown and identity crisis. Let the truth be told, I was questioning my very salvation because I find myself having a hard time accepting God's grace with out trying to earn it. I am reading (several books, one of which is) Free to Be Me by Betty Robinson in which she writes about her life growing from fear to freedom. She too questioned her salvation because she had trouble enjoying a personal and intimate relationship with God. I share this with you because I have a hunch that I am not the only one who struggles to enjoy themselves as God made them. We are usually too hard on our selves and I think that is precisely what I have been doing the past few days. I have just been in a funk. :( Phooey. Anyways, I now have peace about my salvation, but I often get sick of God taking me the long way through everything. Like Joyce Meyers and the Israelites, I too end up going around the same stupid mountain over and over whining in the desert: What is taking so long?!?! Is it possible to be given a mature dose of patience with out actually growing in it the hard way? I will let you know if I figure it out. Until then, I came to the frustrating truth that I am stubborn and pig-headed and nothing comes easy to types like me. In other words, I am just going to have to trust as God sorts me out.

It is never a dull moment in my mind.

God's Will

I know that I speak for others when I say that as God's people we always pray for God's will in our lives. And then we just wait for His will to be magically imposed on our lives. God is not an imposing God. His will for us is three fold: 1. be joyful always 2. pray continually 3. give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes. 5:23). As I meditated on this verse, it occurred to me that all of these things depend on my attitude and what actions I am taking. God may choose us, but we have to make the choice for God's will to be first in our lives by doing these 3 things. God's will is not a big secret. It is for us to be happy. Just be joyful and live in peace with God and you will be living God's will for your life. It's crazy how complicated and spiritual we make God's will. I can be expecially legalistic about this. It makes me feel better, but then I also feel empty. I only feel whole when I am doing these three things. It's not rocket science-- It's God's grace. Amen!

Could it get any better!?

I am just overflowing with thanks for all good gifts that God has been showering on me! Ashton and I were finally able to buy a new Chevy Traverse! Her name is Trudie the Traverse. Super cute. And if a beautiful new car weren't enough, I AM GETTING A KITTEN!!!! The reason that this is such a big deal is that previously our landlord would not allow us to get a pet because of the terrors that lived here before us. It is amazing what a little prayer, faith, patience and determination will get you! What better way then to spend this weekend than driving up to visit my mom and sisters in Arlington to pick up our first born kitty and show of my new wheels. What is craziest and most probable about all of these turn of events is that just last week I was spending some time with God and reading my inspirational devotional. The verse that I heard the Holy Spirit yelling loud and clear is: "My God will meet ALL your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19). This verse was so profound to me I texted it to many friends. Its a good thing that I am loud because I am so excited that God rewarded my faith! I am just wondering who else received a special blessing from that verse! There really is power in the Word! I know that, but somehow God always surprises me with how faithful he is. I am living proof that he truly gives you the desires of your heart when you delight in Him!