My New Year's Resolution for 2013

 As this year draws to a close, we are all thinking about the past year—about our sorrows: the things we’d like to do differently and about our joys: the things that made the year worth living.  We talk about New Years Resolutions because we believe in fresh starts.  We believe that God makes all things new (Rev. 21:5).  

But why is it that we think that after a certain year or age that we will magically be changed?  I stopped having real New Years Resolutions a while back because they never worked.  I never was able to stick with it to make the change. After all, how can I fail if I don’t ever make a goal?  I think that I always failed eventually because I tried to rely on my own efforts to change.  True change doesn’t come from trying hard or our good intentions.  It comes from God.  We know this, but as with all of God's Ways, it is easier said than done.  

One of the most profound things that God has ever told me is (Who am I kidding?  When God speaks, it’s all profound!) that just because I want something doesn’t mean I’ll get it.  I want a good marriage.  But if you wish in one and you know what in the other, see which one fills up first.  Wanting does nothing unless you surrender and do things God’s ways. 

This New Year of 2013, the only thing I want more of is God.  I want His Presence and His Peace.  His word tells us that we already have these things—“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever” (Psalms 16:11 NLT).  All we have to do is Trust that He will do what He says. 

So as 2012 comes to a close, just like everyone else I will think about the past year—about my sorrows: the things I’d like to do differently and my joys: the things that made this year worth living.   I will look forward to 2013 with great expectation as an artist looks at a blank canvas—full of possibility.  The only resolve that I will make is to seek His Peace and His Presence above all else because in His Presence our problems and circumstances don’t seem to matter as we fill our lives with the fullness of His Joy.  

Treasure the Trials

What an amazing journey this first year teaching has been! It’s still not over yet, but I am feeling the need to reminisce and process what I can so far. I have felt God so much in the midst of trials, tribulations, and overwhelming stress this year. What has been even more overwhelming though is God’s love and will for me.

So many answered prayers mark this year. First, I got a job—one in teaching—during a difficult economic time when teachers were getting laid off left and right. And the people I work with are absolutely amazing! Everyone loves God. I have been very encouraged this year, and it helps to have people you can confide in who share your same beliefs. Not only that, but they all have a great sense of humor! Laughter has really kept me going! My principal Donna Hart has been such a mentor this year. Her gentle spirit has taught and encouraged me. I feel like she really understands me and truly appreciates my hard work. Not only that, she is super fun! My assistant principal Matt Daniels reminds me of what Jesus is like. He is gentle, kind and wise beyond his years. It has been a blessing beyond anything I could have imagined to work with these wonderful, godly people. I thank God every day for the people he has place in my life to help me travel this path. Though it has been bumpy and twisted, they never criticized or cut me down. I of course cannot forget Dr. George, our superintendent who has been such an inspiration to us all. Although I don’t get to work with her as closely as I do the principals and other teachers, I feel her fervent prayers in a real way. I deeply respect her hard work and dedication to Newman. All of the good that has come our way has come because our leader trusts and fears God.

The best thing of all, of course, is that God has also chosen Ashton and me to be blessed with the promise of a child! I am beyond overwhelmed as I think about the reality of the gift he has place inside of me. Still, being pregnant with my first child has presented additional challenges in an already stressful and exhausting situation, but God has led me the whole way—a way I did not know. I don’t know how I managed feeling sick and exhausted, but I kept going because God was holding my hand. I will never forget how on our first day back of the New Year for teacher training, everyone gathered around me and prayed that God would bless me with a child. We found out that I was pregnant only a few weeks later! How big is God!? And who gets to work with people like that outside of ministry?! The students and staff have been so supportive and excited for us as their eyes have been unceasingly upon my growing belly! It’s such an incredible blessing to share in the joy of a child on the way with such wonderful people.

This year the enemy, however, has come against me strongly and attacked me with anxiety and fear. He has sent gossipers and naysayers to try and destroy my spirit, but I know that I do not get my identity from approval from the others. God is well pleased with me and that is all that matters. I know with out a doubt that God will complete the good work that He has begun in me (Phil. 1:6), specifically as this school year draws to a close. I have learned that I can’t do it all, and I can’t do it all perfectly. God has completely filled in the parts that I was unable to. He is beginning to teach me about what really matters in life and how to have joy in unfavorable circumstances. His favor, however, has been upon my life immensely. The comfort and approval heart idols in my life are coming down! God alone is my comforter and worth. Things that once seemed like insurmountable giants in my life--anxiety, fear, emotions and discomfort—are nothing when compared with the peace and understanding that a life with Jesus brings when you fully and recklessly trust him.

I know that I still have much to learn. My life is about to be turned upside down—in a good way! — when we welcome our precious baby in September. I believe that so many of the lessons I have learned this year have been about the baby. God is equipping me as I begin to step out into my destiny. I will treasure this year forever.