Free to Be Me?

So I wish that I was one of those clever writers who wrote effortlessly in their blogs, profound truths and revelation. Oh well, for the time being it is going to have to be my insecurities and off the wall thoughts.

Its Saturday and I am claiming this day to enjoy to be me. So what if I don't look like someone else, act like someone else or write like someone else?! I am trying to love me as God made me. Last night I had a major meltdown and identity crisis. Let the truth be told, I was questioning my very salvation because I find myself having a hard time accepting God's grace with out trying to earn it. I am reading (several books, one of which is) Free to Be Me by Betty Robinson in which she writes about her life growing from fear to freedom. She too questioned her salvation because she had trouble enjoying a personal and intimate relationship with God. I share this with you because I have a hunch that I am not the only one who struggles to enjoy themselves as God made them. We are usually too hard on our selves and I think that is precisely what I have been doing the past few days. I have just been in a funk. :( Phooey. Anyways, I now have peace about my salvation, but I often get sick of God taking me the long way through everything. Like Joyce Meyers and the Israelites, I too end up going around the same stupid mountain over and over whining in the desert: What is taking so long?!?! Is it possible to be given a mature dose of patience with out actually growing in it the hard way? I will let you know if I figure it out. Until then, I came to the frustrating truth that I am stubborn and pig-headed and nothing comes easy to types like me. In other words, I am just going to have to trust as God sorts me out.

It is never a dull moment in my mind.