God, Help Me to Be a Good Mother

Lord, I need your peace, comfort and strength to be a good mother. 

That was my prayer as I began to journal.  And as I got the word “good,” I stopped dead in my tracks.  I was reminded of this scripture:

Once a religious leader asked Jesus this question: “Good Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”  “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked him. “Only God is truly good (Luke 18:19 NLT).

If Jesus didn’t even consider himself good (even though he was perfect), what sense does it make for me to try and be a “good” mother?  Actually, let me be honest.  I want to be a perfect mother.

I want to always respond to my children in a calm and loving manner, taking every opportunity to patiently teach them and train them.  If I don’t explain something with the utmost grace and gentleness, I feel incredible shame and guilt.   God forbid I snap and yell or threaten to spank their butt [and do it] or take away all her toys [and do it] if she can’t stop throwing them all in the floor. 

I want to always engage with them or lead them into independent play, so that mommy can get something done.  Every time I turn on Netflix, I shutter with disgust and thus begin the relentless accusations about my laziness as a mother and how my children’s brains are rotting as they spend more time in front of a screen.

I want to always make sure my children eat healthy foods and try new foods out.  To do this I [try to] limit sugar and processed snacks like Goldfish.  But it never fails, and out come the Goldfish as I vow to never buy more once they run out.  And then I do, of course, the next time I am at the grocery store. 

I want to always take time to enjoy my daughter’s expert stalling techniques before bed instead of rushing through the bedtime story just so I can climb into bed and escape into my novel for a while. 

I used to think that I was a bad mother if I gave my baby formula or any non-organic food of any kind.  Then I came to the realization that bad mothers don’t feed their children at all; good mothers do.  My simple desire to be a good mother made me a good mother.  After all, I loved her extravagantly, clothed her, fed her and protected her. 

Yes, this is all still true, but God is taking me to a deeper level of understanding what it is to be a mother and how to surrender to motherhood. 

Some synonyms for the word mother are: look after, care for, protect, nurse, tend.  I do all of those things and much more for my children, so why am I praying for God to help me to be a “good” mother?  I have already established that I am a good mother.  There is not debating that.  I would say that I love my children more than any other mother ever has loved their children, but then again all mothers feel that way.  

As with everything in life the answer to our problems is because we believe a lie in place of the truth.  Whether it is the world of social media that we live in or listening to the opinions and judgments of others, we are believing a lie in some way or another.  The father of all lies is Satan.  When we even engage in a conversation with him or listen to those thoughts that sound like us or someone we know (when they do in fact belong to Satan), we have already lost.  But when those thoughts come, and we refuse them and cling to the truth—that we are dearly loved and chosen, that we can do all things through Christ, that God’s plans for us are for good, we win. 

Satan can even sneak into the motives behind our prayers like he did for me with out me even realizing it. After all, it is a noble and honorable thing to ask for God's help to be a good mother.  But, I needed a shift in perspective to truly release me to experience freedom and God's goodness.  

Now, instead of praying for God’s peace, comfort and strength to be a good mother, I will pray simply for more of God’s Spirit for my current assignment which is to be mother.  To quote Chris Tomlin’s song, He truly is a good, good father and I’m loved by Him.  My quest should not about being a good mother, but rather about resting in my identity as a beloved daughter of the Most High God who happens to be chosen to mother two of his other precious daughters.

God, thank you that I am a simply a mother to two of the most beautiful, sweet and incredible girls.  You are good.     

Angel

This is a poem I wrote about my journey as a Christian and the bondage that I came under after I was saved. It is about how God set me free after he saved my soul.

My spirit heard the Truth.

And liked how it sounded.

It was like a vine growing to the sound of music in a garden.

But I did not build a wall around my garden of truth.

And the wolves came and chewed out the vine.

They were still hungry and so I fed them more.

Weeds of lies choked out the spirit of truth.

The fruit never ripened and my soul was in despair.

How could you let this happen? My soul screamed.

I can’t go on any longer, My spirit cried.

My heart grew deceitful and evil grew from within.

I hated my garden then.

I wanted to run away—

I wanted to fly away like a bird

But never return.

But I would keep flying and falling into the quicksand of death.

Though I would not return, it would return to me.

I wanted to do good, but I did not know how.

I only knew how to feed the wolves.

And so I did for many years,

Until I was spared.

My angel was a young girl with long blonde hair

It was stringy, yet soft and smelled of powder.

I thought that it would touch the ground.

She did not have wings, but she carried a mirror.

It was embellished with jewels and looked far too heavy for her to carry.

But she held it softly as if it were a butterfly.

She came up to me and held it to my heart.

I was afraid of what she would see, so I flinched and closed my eyes, afraid to look.

But I felt something encouraging me.

It is okay, He said to me and so I saw.

I no longer saw the garden of weeds and death.

But a butterfly on a flower.

I no longer heard the screams for help.

I saw the sun and felt the breeze.

Who was this girl with the mirror? I wondered.

She smiled and then I knew.

That girl was me.

Personal Truths

Life is so amazing. Our individual lives are uniquely made up of family and loved ones, good times, bad times, hopes, dreams and wishes. Sometimes God grants us our prayers and sometimes he doesn’t. The best thing about life is that no matter what happens, God is in control.

“I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime” (Ecl. 3:12).

Our job is not to worry or to get upset. God wants us to enjoy life (Joyce Meyer is great on this)! So many times, we get caught up in circumstances in our lives and we are like the rocky soil or among the soil with the thorns.

“In a similar way these are the ones on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy; and they have no firm root in themselves, but are only temporary; then, when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately they fall away. "And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. "And those are the ones on whom seed was sown on the good soil; and they hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold." And He was saying to them, "A lamp is not brought to be put under a basket, is it, or under a bed? Is it not brought to be put on the lampstand?” (Mark 4:17-21).

Jesus is our light (John 8:12). He has overcome the world and since we believe in Jesus and are children of God we have too have overcome the world (John 16:33, 1 John 5:4-5). I believe that while Jesus is the light, we are the lampstand. He uses our circumstances to shed light on the truth. I don’t think that knowing the truth is the hard part. It is hard to accept the truth in our hearts so deeply that the thorns or hard times do not choke the fruit of God’s seed out of our lives. Now, if the truth is life, what is death? Jesus said, “Whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life” (John 5:24). Death is the opposite of life or truth. While there is one Death and one Truth, I believe that there are many deaths and therefore, many truths. Let me explain.

We are each called into a personal relationship with God through Jesus. If each of us is a unique individual part of the Body of Christ; our personal relationship with Jesus is just as unique as we are. God created us. He knows our inmost workings. Therefore, there are also many individual truths in our lives. Before my dad passed away, he said that his “greater truth” is that he has three daughters who pray for him. He had received salvation by asking Jesus to be Lord of his life before he died. Jesus was his Truth, but his personal truth that helped him through the hard times was that he had 3 daughters who loved him and prayed for him.

Our personal truths are those things that Jesus has made dear to our hearts so that we better understand the love that he has for us. Our personal truth is God’s gift to us that make each of us different. It is what makes us feel alive. There is always the Truth that Jesus is our salvation, but Jesus loves us so individually, we have personal truths that work like a knowing wink or understanding hug to encourage us when we are struggling.

I compare deaths to daily deaths to the flesh and struggles that we each go through every day. If we do not die to these hard times in the flesh then our spirit will die. Either way, there is death. Our personal deaths are our unique struggles that we endure and overcome during our walk with Jesus. They are our crosses to bear. If we die to the flesh then our cross is freedom in Jesus (Gal. 5:1), but if we die to the Spirit then we suffer death.

The following Scriptures have helped me understand what it is like to have a personal relationship with Jesus.

“I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,

And I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me,
And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.
The cords of Sheol surrounded me;
The snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the LORD,
And cried to my God for help;

He heard my voice out of His temple,

And my cry for help before Him came into His ears” (Psalm 18:3-6 emphasis mine).

One day God showed to name my specific struggle in place of “Sheol.” It was very liberating to see that God cares about my personal struggles. These struggles may not mean much to others, but to God they are a matter of life and death.

The Easton’s Bible Dictionary defines Sheol as:"the all-demanding world, "the unknown region”, the invisible world of departed souls

This is also translated as as “Hell” which means:

(1.) Sheol, occurring in the Old Testament sixty-five times. This word sheol is derived from a root-word meaning "to ask," "demand;" hence insatiableness (Prov 30:15,16). It is rendered "grave" thirty-one times (Gen 37:35; 42:38; 44:29,31; 1 Sam 2:6, etc.). The Revisers have retained this rendering in the historical books with the original word in the margin, while in the poetical books they have reversed this rule.

In thirty-one cases in the Authorized Version this word is rendered "hell," the place of disembodied spirits. The inhabitants of sheol are "the congregation of the dead" (Prov 21:16). It is (a) the abode of the wicked (Num 16:33; Job 24:19; Ps 9:17; 31:17, etc.); (b) of the good (Ps 16:10; 30:3; 49:15; 86:13, etc.).

Sheol is described as deep (Job 11:8), dark (10:21,22), with bars (17:16). The dead "go down" to it (Num 16:30,33; Ezek 31:15,16,17).

(2.) The Greek word hades of the New Testament has the same scope of signification as

Sheol of the Old Testament. It is a prison (1 Peter 3:19), with gates and bars and locks (Matt 16:18; Rev 1:18), and it is downward (Matt 11:23; Luke 10:15).(from Easton's Bible Dictionary, PC Study Bible formatted electronic database Copyright © 2003, 2006 Biblesoft, Inc. All rights reserved.)

What has been your Sheol or your “personal hell”? Beth Moore’s wonderful book Get Out of that Pit discusses what a pit is like and how you know if you are in one. The definitions of Pit and Sheol are so similar, they can be interchangeable. Try it for yourself and insert your personal struggle in for “Sheol” everytime you see it in the Bible. It has really helped me know that God cares about my personal problems and that he hears my voice when the cords and snares of my struggles overwhelm me.

On the bright side, what are your personal truths that keep you running the race that you were called to run? Is it a bubble bath will always calm you down? Is it knowing that your mom is always ready to listen with a sympathetic ear? Is it how fresh you feel after worshiping God at church? Or is it that when you are around friends and family you know that you are loved? What ever “it” is--it helps me to see life as it really is-- family and loved ones, good times, bad times, hopes, dreams and wishes—and who is at the center of it—Jesus!

Be blessed!