The Exterminator

I'm not sure if this is Biblical, but I don't see any reason why I can't make this comparison. It helps me and maybe it will help you too.

This is on the topic of repentance and forgiveness--everyone's favorite! Yeah right.

"For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me." (Psalm 51:3)

As I read this verse, something stuck out to me. I know in my life I try to ignore my stubborn sins that won't go away and I fear asking God to show me my ugly sin so that he can forgive it. Sure, God knows our hearts and knows what we think, say and do, but we still have to reveal it to Him. We have to acknowledge that our "transgression and sin are ever before us."

We go throughout life trying "play ignorant." (Please don't get offended, just stay with me.)

• Elaine does it on Seinfeld when she tries to avoid a conversation in a cab by pretending to be deaf.
• Some girls have been guilty of "playing dumb" to appear innocent and attract boys.
• Some ESL students who can speak perfect English try to trick the substitute that they can't so they don't have to participate in class. (I know this one from experience!)
• I sometimes find myself not wanting to take the time to examine my heart before God so that he can reveal and forgive my sin because its ugly and I don't want to go there. Can't God just forgive all of my sins when I say "Forgive me of my sins."?

The answer is yes, but according to the Psalmist, he acknowledges his transgression and sin before God when he is asking for forgiveness.

Consider this: When you have bugs in your home, you call an exterminator. You must first call him, however. He just doesn't come over. Sure he knows that there are pests living in people's houses out in the world, but he waits until he is called before he just goes around door to door killing them all at will. When he gets to your home, he may ask where the bug problem is. You have to tell him or show him so that the poison will effectively kill the heart of the problem. Then after you have acknowledged where the bugs are hiding out, you give him permission to get rid of them. A price is paid and you are free from bugs.

What if I said that the "exterminator" is a metaphor for Jesus and that God just happens to be in the "extermination" business.

When you call (pray to) the "exterminating" business, the owner (God) sends his exterminator (Jesus) to get rid of the bugs (sin) in your life. When he gets there, you then explain your "bug" problem: that you have bugs (sin), you name (confess) them and reveal where they are hiding in your home (heart). The exterminator (Jesus) then removes the unwanted pests (sin) in your life because he knows what he is looking for and where to find it. Now the best part! Instead of paying for this "extermination" service out of your own pocket, the exterminator (Jesus) picks up the bill (price for forgiving sins) because the owner (God) of the "extermination" business said to him that this one is on the house. No cost. What's even better is that the "exterminating" business has a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Plus, the exterminator (Jesus) left you with some daily treatments (the Word) to ensure that the bugs (sin) does not come back. If the bugs (sin) comes back, the owner (God) will send the exterminator (Jesus) out again to rid you of your pest problem (forgive you of your sins) again. For free.

I hope this gets you thinking about the importance of confession, repentance and forgiveness. Be blessed!

Becoming Beautiful

This is a shot from my very first test shoot when I became a professional model in 2006. When I look at this it makes me sad because I believed that I should look like the world said that I should in order to be of any value. I had an eating disorder--I know that now. I still struggle with having an eating disorder especially now that I have gained 20 or 25 lbs. I don't weigh myself so I don't know for sure. I wanted to post this to remind myself and others how small and sickly I got.

I also want to add that an eating disorder is any form of an unhealthy relationship with food no matter what it is or how you look. I look completely normal now, but the truth is I am not free from the eating disorder mindset yet. Now that God has opened my eyes to this world, I see that most women have some degree or another of an eating disorder. What makes me mad about this is that eating disorders are not taken seriously enough. Most of the time they are misunderstood. They are either applauded as a means to do what ever necessary to be skinny or shunned as if you have leprosy. If someone says they have an eating disorder, why don't we take it as seriously as we do when someone says they have cancer? All that this does is to further push those with tendencies to develop an eating disorder further into its grasps. I used to think that because I wasn't skinny enough, I didn't have an eating disorder. Believing this lie almost ruined my life. With the help of God, counseling and a supportive family, I am beginning to claim back my life.

It's crazy to me that during the time that I modeled and afterwards as my eating disorder persisted, the skinnier I got, the fatter I felt. I'm proud to show off my body now because I have worked harder now to become healthy physically, spiritually and mentally than I ever did in my pursuit to be a small as possible. I am learning to love my body as God made it.

I also wanted to post this pic of me and my beautiful sister at Christmas 2009, because this is how God intended my body to be--curvy with hips! I remember when I saw this picture I thought, I look like a woman! I am becoming beautiful because I am becoming the woman that God created me to be!

Why am I writing about this? Am I bragging or asking for attention? I will let the following Scripture answer these questions:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)